Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
