I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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