I'm laying in your front yard are you home
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
