New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
