You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
