I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
