Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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