my mouth tastes like poor choices
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
