when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
