Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
