Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
