Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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