I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
