I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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