God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
