im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
