I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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