so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
