After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
