who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
