Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
