I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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