ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Barsexuality is the new black.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
