hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
