I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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