I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
