Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize