just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
