I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
