you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
