The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we made out on top of his cat.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
