So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize