And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
