I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
