ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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