im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
