im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
