I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
