i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
