mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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