The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
