Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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