is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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