So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
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We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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