were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
What happened to fro yo and sex?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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