If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
