you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
