Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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