Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
