Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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