we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
