I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize