I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it's great music for shaving your balls
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
