he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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