alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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