in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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