It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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