I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
