Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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