Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
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I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
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I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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