His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize