I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
