Can i not drive my cunt home
I will die if light touches me.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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