are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
