New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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